Deliverance

I wanted to use the word freedom, but the word deliverance kept finding its place in my soul. I guess it’s because Luke 18 described the reason I felt lead by the Holy Spirit to share my story. My hope was to help heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives. It described me, someone whose spirit and heart had been broken, and held captive.

Today I am able to give back to others and share my story with the help of Holy Spirit, who has carried me through those difficult times. Deliverance knowing the Holy Spirit now has a hold of the situation, although there are times when I struggle and fall short, but I am no longer a slave held captive to a controlling spirit, Sure it still creeps back into my soul at times, but it doesn't dwell there for long .. Today the spirit of the Lord continues to guard my soul with the power of his word

It was overwhelming, and frustrated, feeling the need to be in control at all times. I felt like a big tube of super glue, right there ready to fix anything broken or falling apart. It was best that everything looked as perfect as possible, anything out of order just would not do.I would soon realize the lessons, strength, and wisdom, that would come from imperfections, and brokenness. At times I felt my life was like a puzzle, I did not want to share the pieces with anyone, I had to have my hand on each piece and complete the outcome.

I look back now and ask myself, girl what were you thinking! However, that was the problem I was not thinking I was just doing what I thought was best for everyone, including myself. I don’t think I meant to be that way on purpose, I do know fear, worry, and other issues played a big role in it all, and until I came to terms with it I would forever be a slave to it.

Trying to be always in control takes so much out of a person, it is like running a show and you are the only actor playing all the different parts. In addition, the audience will either love you, or dislike you. Believe me there are no Oscars or Academy Awards, and you can almost predict what the critics will write about you.

I’m sure I did get on some of my family's nerves at times, by not allowing them to help in ways they wanted to around the house, or not trusting them with some of life’s experiences because I felt they were not ready. Reality was they were ready; I was the one not ready to let them go, they really needed to try their wings. Today if this mama bird had to do things over again, she would do many things differently.

I attended a women’s ministry event, the theme was “Freedom,” I would come to a place while on my knees, hands lifted up, tears streaming down my face, I would begin my journey of slowly giving back control to its rightful owner. Time to move over and let Jesus take the wheel, time to rest my body, spirit, soul, and mind of all the abuse and stress caused by a controlling spirit.

As years went by, I would come to discover that my past hurts, unforgiveness, and anger, played a big role in my control issues. I had to realize I had a choice to make, to stay forever a slave to it, or to take the Lord at his word and promises when he said” Greater is he that is in me than he that is the world.”

It was not going to be easy, but possible with the Lord’s help through the next couple of years, slowly my family began to see the changes taking place. I was finally able to slowly let go, and let my children experience what they needed too, the many times I wanted to rescue them and fix their problems the Holy Spirit would give me courage to leave them in his hands.

My husband would see that I was no longer stressing and worrying about finances, and I made peace with more of God’s word when he said, Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. today's trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:25-34). And (Psalm 37:25) I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread.

We may not have all we want, but we will always have enough, I was learning to depend upon God’s words and promises. When I surrendered everything to Lord, I was able to find truth in his word, I was able to surrender my hurt, for his healing, my anger for his joy. I would exchange my pain for his promises of peace, rest, and a sound mind.

But little that I know all of this would be tested in a way I would never have imagined. This was where deliverance would soon manifest fully in my life, through total trust in the Holy spirit. Meet with me back here to read the final chapter of my story.

If you want to read the beginning chapters and poems click on the links on the right side panel under "Spirit Of Control."

Please visit Spiritual Sundays
For more inspirational posts