Mar 15, 2009

Total Trust

I look back upon my journey this far, I cannot help but see, that in everything that I have been through God has always been by my side. Since the beginning of my creation, through every event, good or bad, happy or sad, his promises have held true. He has never left me nor forsaken me he has always loved me endlessly, faithfully and unconditionally.

There came a time in my life where I would know the meaning of true surrender, strength, courage, and total trust. I was in a place where control was entirely out of my hands, entirely out of my being. It was the day my Doctor confirmed that I had a serious life threatening illness that had no cure, the only thing available was still experimental, and had some dangerous side effects.

I think for the first time in my life, I experienced what hopelessness felt like, not being able to have any part, or control at all, whatsoever. You can talk, read, or hear, about being in a helpless situation, but you can never truly comprehend it until you actually find yourself in that place. I felt spiritually naked, nothing to grab on to, no place to hide, nowhere to run but into the arms of the Lord.

You feel like crying, but you cannot, you want to shout, but nothing comes out, you cannot even get angry. You lose all sense of emotion, your body feels so numb, and when you try to speak, the only word that makes it out is “Jesus.” That was my moment of true surrender, freedom from bondage, and captivity, my deliverer, delivered me out of slavery. I discovered how powerful the name of Jesus really was, how it still is, and always will be.

Sometimes for something to make sense, you have to experience something that totally makes no sense at all. Maybe that is where the Lord wants us at times, in a place where it is not for us to try to figure everything out. Our job is to live life trusting him with each tomorrow, to trust him enough to take care of our loved ones, and everything that overwhelms us.

Always trying to be in control was a lack of trust on my part; it was my way of not putting me out there to be hurt anymore. I built a wall, and a barrier, where only I controled who could enter into my space. Sadly, as I look back I left the one person who loved me the most outside that wall and that was my loving Jesus. Yet he patiently waited outside, never invading my space; he was just waiting for the day I would freely run into his arms and begin to trust him with my life.

Remember in the beginning of this post when I said that God has always been by my side since the beginning of my creation, through every event, good or bad, happy or sad, his promises have held true. He has never left me nor forsaken me, He has seen me through my Chemo, and struggles through my liver treatments. The treatments did not work, but I am blessed with such peace, and don't dwell on my health.

I do not know what tomorrow holds for me, but I know he holds all my tomorrows in his hands. All control now belongs to its rightful owner, for he knows best ,and does all things well. Thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you, if it touches just one heart ,I know it was worth sharing, and all glory belongs to the Lord.

If you want to read the beginning chapters and poems click on the links on the right side panel under "Spirit Of Control.

Please visit Spiritual Sundays For more inspirational posts


Vintage Linen Treasures said...

Hi Lorie,
I just popped over to see how you're doing. I am so saddened to hear that your treatment hasn't worked. You have touched my heart and I'm sure the hearts of so many out there. You are a beautiful person with the love of our Lord shining through.

Michelle said...

God loves you so much. Thank you for sharing this with us. You touched my heart.

I love your blog, your poems, and the music you put on your site. You are blessing and touching people, and God is so proud of you.

Be blessed!

Michele Williams said...

I love you my friend! I will continue to pray for you!

Sandi@ Rose Chintz Cottage said...

Hello Dear Friend,
How wonderful that you have learned how to lean totally on Jesus. Many don't ever learn how to do that that. You are an inspiration, Lorie. The Lord is always with you and me. He will never leave us. Thank you for sharing your story and have a lovely day.
"O Lord, my Lord, How majestic is Your name in all the earth!"


From the Heart said...

Lorie, I'm so glad you reached the point that at some point I think all of do and that is giving God completed control of our lives. I know I did and sometimes I have to keep letting Him know that He is in control of my life. He knows that but I have to do it for myself especially when other things start happening in my life and my body that I have no control over. God knows exactly what we need and promises to always be there with us even until the end.
Oh, what a Savior, without Him I am nothing.

Thanks for sharing. I know it wasn't easy but I'm sure it is healing for you and also will be a blessing to others.
Luv u and so thankful for your friendship,
AliceE. :)

Sharon said...

Lorie, Prayers are sent to you with the Lord in mind. He is always there and you have such a wonderful faith, it helps all of us to read your words of strengh. May this week only hold all things good for you. Sharon K

God Chaser said...

Lori you touch many heart with your words- your gifts of sharing and encouragment speaks much about your heart- a heart controlled by God. Praying for you. Be blessed my friend.
Trusting in the Lord-Willnette

Charlotte said...

I know your testimony will help many people. It has certainly blessed me today. You're right. None of us knows what tomorrow holds, but it's great to know who holds tomorrow. Thank you for sharing with us.
I know there are many people praying for you and I am adding my prayers too.

SmilingSally said...

This is a powerful post! Thanks for sharing. Happy Spiritual Sunday.

Musings of A Minister said...

First, let me tell you that I love the picture at the top of your post and the music--wonderful! Your story touches my heart. I am encouraged by your honesty, strength, courage and hopeful heart. You are a blessing to many. God has moved in my life in a providential way and I see His hand in the movements of my life. He is there for you too, blessing and watching over you. Thank you for this post. It has bless my day.

Ginger~~Enchanting Cottage said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. Everything is in Gods hands, I will pray for you always!
God Bless,

Blessings each day said...

Whenever I pray for someone, the prayer to Father, Son and Holy Spirit is for healing first spiritually, then mentally, then physically and finally financially. You are now officially added to my prayer list, so please lean on the strength of my little prayers.

God be with you,

Magnolia Memories08 said...

I have chosen your blog for a Lemonade Award for showing gratitude. You may stop by my blog and pick it up. I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog.

Julie said...

As I read your post, my heart was aching and my eyes are teary!
My sweet sister in Christ, I will be praying and thinking of you. Jesus is holding you tightly...and will never never leave you. Love Julie

Saleslady371 said...

You have a beautiful faith. What a gift at this time. Thank you for sharing!

The Raggedy Girl said...

What a lovely post of your faith in Jesus. Holding you in prayer.

Roberta Anne

Anonymous said...

Father I lift Lorie up to you right now. I pray that you would continue to envelope her with you love and assurance. Let her sense your presence with her even more than before. Minister to her by your Holy Spirit, the Great Comforter and glorify yourself in her in Jesus name I pray with thanksgiving AMEN.

marina said...

the Lord is so good he has been sharing with me the very same thing he is always there for us thank you for sharing form your heart God is good and has great things for those who love him! marina

Debra said...

I loved "Sometimes for something to make sense, you have to go through something that makes no sense at all." I have felt that different times, and often, God will just pull me out of my daily routine and thought patterns, and say, "Step back a moment, and look where you're headed. You need to stop and look at things in a different way."
I love it when He does that, because I can step out of my own 'blindness' and see things from a different aspect. His mercy is very tied in with our suffering. They are partners that walk hand in hand, although we don't see that till we're on the other side of suffering.
Loved this post, and I've said it before, I do have a control problem. God is working.
Love, Debra

Cathy said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, sweet Lorie. We just have to keep praying and trusting our Jesus. With Him all things are possible. You are so very beautiful and are such an encouragement to others.
Love and Hugs,

Rev.Aaron Holcombe said...

Wonderful as always!!

Maxine said...

Oh my dear, I didn't know about all this. Praying the Lord will hold you close in His embrace. Thanks for opening your heart to your sisters who come to visit. I'm sure the Lord is going to be hearing many prayers on your behalf. Keep holding onto His unchanging hand.

Anonymous said...

what a wonderful testimonyof God's faithfulness

Renna said...

Your post made me think of psalm 139, Lorie. He's always had, and always will have, you in the palm of His hand.

Barb said...

This really touched my heart. My most recent post was about trusting our Father in Heaven, too. But yours is so much more personal, and I think really hits home for many of us. Please know that you'll be in my prayers as you continue to live through the cancer embraced in the arms of the Father.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Lori, god is using you to awaken those who are lost and those who have straddled behind at their own pace. I love your openess and your journey with the Lord. You have added so much to my spiritual growth and although I may not comment on every post, I am encouraged by just clicking on, looking a your gorgeous smile and knowing that I have another sister in Christ that I can turn to for comfort.

Love you and always praying for you.