Bondage Of A Controlling Spirit. ( Part Two )

Isaiah 14:3 “And it shall come to pass in the day that the Lord shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein you were made to serve.”

Before I begin this post I just want to say, that I am so not an expert on self-control, I can only say what helped or worked for me. I can also share my testimony and experience in hopes that opening up myself to you, with the help, strength, and courage, of the Holy Spirit, may encourage you to know that you are not alone.

On my last post, I said that the last fruit of the spirit would have a whole new meaning in my life as a Christian woman; well it did, but not right away. There were many years of struggles still, like a fruit has to mature to be used for it’s purpose, I too had to mature (spiritually) in order to be used for my master’s purpose.

Change never came easy for me; I still needed to hide behind the need to be in control at all times. Now I know control is needed for us to accomplish and get things done in life , but I’m talking about being in control to where it takes over your life. It ends up controlling you and soon you become a slave in bondage to it.

Ecclesiastes 7:8 says, “Better is the end of a thing, than the beginning of it, and the patient in spirit, is better than the proud in spirit. The problem I had, was not being sure if I was ready to end something that was a part of my life for so long. I remember reading a quote that said nothing great was ever done without much enduring, I knew in my heart I needed to end it, I knew it would take patience, and I could not allow pride to get in my way.

I remember trying to figure out where all this need of control was coming from, and why it had such a hold on my life. Was it because I allowed others to control my life, to the point where there was so much hurt, pain, mistrust, and anger. As a child having both parents with controlling issues would leave me so confused , fearful, and walking on eggshells because these are the people you want to please most in life as a child.

There came a time when everything took a toll on me emotionally and mentally. Some of my family members were going through various issues, things happening where there was nothing I could do; it was completely out of my hands and my control. I began to seek help; I did not know how to handle not being in control, I just knew this was something I could not do by myself.

Anxiety set in, depression followed, and I remember my best friend who was a pastor tell me this was something I really needed to surrender to the Lord. In the mean time I went to get help and I was so glad I did, and may I say that I who vowed against any medications, welcomed the help of those prescribed that helped me through such a difficult time in my life.

The Lord was getting ready to do a mighty work in my life, my life would change in a way that I would never have foreseen. God wanted me to be under the control of one spirit, the Holy Spirit. There would be tears, surrendering, forgiving, more tears, more surrendering, healing, and deliverance. I remember how the words to this song ministered to my spirit.

Set my spirit free, so I can worship thee
Set my spirit free, so I can praise your name
Let all bondage go, and let deliverance flow,
Set my spirit free, to worship thee.

To be continued..

Thank you to all who shared their hearts with me on the first post, it is not always easy to admit having controlling issues, much less talk about it. But I believe the Lord does not allow us to go through it, just to keep it to ourselves, but to encourage and give hope to others so they know they are not alone in their journey. I welcome you to share whatever may be on your heart, if you need prayers, your testimony, or a word of encouragement to someone who may read this with a heavy heart.